You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
