True but thats because hes a fetus.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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