you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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