We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
