no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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