I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
