How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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