He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
