it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
