I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
and she was petting her beer can
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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