He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
