Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
