grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
