Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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