i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
