i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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