If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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