We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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