Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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