I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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