it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I still have a little drunk in my system
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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