Moan for me like Helen Keller
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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