I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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