An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
