Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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