this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
