Dude my mom stole all your condoms
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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