just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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