Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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