did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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