it's not cheating when I paid for it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
