what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
