that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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