Buhtt sex?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
