IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
