We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
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Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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