Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
