Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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