I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
