just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
