Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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