So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
