i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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