EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
