i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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