My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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