Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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