i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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