do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
