besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So vagazzling was a success
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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