the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
