I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
