when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hippo gnu deer
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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