I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
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is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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