My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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