I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
