OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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