If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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