Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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