u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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