Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
