He kissed a someone with a penis
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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