I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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