I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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