I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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