i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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