Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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