Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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