so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
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Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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