i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
