ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
