ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
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I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
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That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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