If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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