My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
