hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
