It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
